Vaati's New Weave
by BlakeIy
Summary: Having his old weave ripped out by a blonde prick of a hero, Vaati seeks a local Sally's Beauty Supply in search of another. But with foreign clerks, Shadow Link burning to a crisp in the blistering heat, things aren't looking so well for the Wind Mage and co. Will he get a new weave that resembles his old hair, or something new? No set universe, all mixed.


** wHaT tHe FuCk Am I oN**

* * *

_How embarrassing_,Vaati thought as he trudged himself past the people of Castle Town, Shadow Link not far behind. Their new choice of attire - a long, darkened violet robe with a hood - kept Vaati's head from being seen, and Shadow Link from burning to a crisp. Looks were earned by them as the two cloaked figures every corner, passed every annoying, cursed every beggar begging for a spare rupee. Still, nobody said a thing.

Shadow Link brushed away the sweat from his brow, disgusted at the amount of liquid he'd produced. "Vaati, are we almost _there_? I can't take much more of this heat!"

"Stop whining, you. That oaf with the pathetic hairstyle said it was here..." Vaati pinched a corner of his hood, lifting it so to look around. "Market Basket? No. Potions Shop? No! Milk Bar and Strip Cl- Well, perhaps later - but, no!" A middle-aged woman stared at Vaati, as if to shield the baby whose carriage she pushed from his devil-tongue. Vaati didn't notice, and walked on past. Shadow Link stuck his tongue out at them, sending the baby into a crying fit.

The two reached a boiling point of over 9,000 degrees. Either one of them would explode any minute: Vaati from impatience, Shadow Link from extreme light.

It was at this moment Vaati began to remember the reason for all of this in the first place.

* * *

"Alright Vaati, take the spell off'a Princess Zelda's tiara!" Green-Link shouted in his battle stance, the Four Sword and shield at the ready.

"Oh? Whatever do you mean, hero?" Vaati chuckled, remembering the curse he'd placed on the young woman a day prior. He did it out of boredom, really. He cursed. Zelda's tiara so that it had the ability to talk. And oh, did it talk alright! It came with a personality, too - the personality of a complete and total cynical asshole.

"This isn't funny, Vaati! Zelda had a dinner with all of the monarchs throughout Hyrule, and that bloody tiara _embarrassed_ her in front of the whole lot!"

Vaati blinked and humored Link with a pout. He put a faux look of concern on his face, and decided to press on with questions. "My, that IS unfortunate. I suppose my," he nearly lost it, and paused to avoid bursting into laughter. "_Little joke_ got a bit out of hand. So...what exactly did it say?"

Shadow Link hid watched from the shadows, already snorting and giggling and waiting for the punchline.

"Uhhh..."Link look upwards, his brows furrowed as if seriously deep in thought. He lowered his sword and shield, body relaxing. "Well, Zelda said something about Rick - what her tiara named itself...apparently - flirting with the other princesses and queens, pointing out the fact that Princess Ruto is naked..."

By now Shadow Link was making the most ungodly sounds. He covered his mouth but, try as he might, simply could not contain himself. Vaati's lips were so mashed together through which all of the tiniest atoms in the world could not pass. His eyes began to tear. "A-anything...else?" His voice was cracking, and if he weren't some purple Yu-Gi-Oh-type card-looking villain, you'd think he were about to cry.

Link paid no notice.

"Well, Zelda's tiar- ah..._Rick_, also stated how, 'ungodily fucking hot in here it is, you stupid bitch', and referring to Impa as, 'Mama Titties'."

That's it. Vaati clutched his stomach, bent over, and cried. His laughter, mixed with tears, _fooled_ Link for a short while. Vaati tried to make himself more believable by lying.

Link got back into his stance. "It's not funny, Vaati!"

"Oh, oh, I don't think it is, Link."

Lowering his weapons once more, Link titled his head in confusion. "Huh?"

"Believe it or not..." the purple unnatural-Hylian lied. "I feel only the _utmost guilt_ from your...tales of woe..."

Link stood lazily, his back hunched in annoyance. He sighed, rolled his eyes, and suddenly charged for the man. Vaati was too caught up in his merriment to notice.

"If only there were..some way for me to...atone for my wrongdoings-"

"Oh, there's a way, alright!" Link shouted, right before his battle cry. He launched himself towards Vaati, sword raised above his head in a position known to monsters and Link-fangirls alike.

Shadow Link gasped upon the sight, but was unable to warn his master in a quick enough time. "Vaati...look out!" But it was too late.

It all happened in a flash.

"HYAAAA!"

* * *

Vaati twitched at the memory.

He reached into the cloak's hood and behind his neck, feeling at his now short, feathered hair.

"...Master Vaati?" Shadow Link jerked his head in attempt to free the sticky purple locks from his head.

The wind mage closed his eyes. "Yeah."

"Looks like," he huffed, due to the intensive heat. "We're here." He pointed a finger from out his cloak, but once the sun caught sight of the shadow's skin the young man could have sworn it got set aflame.

Vaati looked upwards, his eyes widening at the sign: they had reached their destination.

Sally's Beauty Supply.

* * *

**originally going to be a oneshot but fuck it I'm lazy maybe a two shot or three idfk happy trails partner **


End file.
